I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
