I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
