batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
They should really pass out barf bags in church
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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