You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
