are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
