I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
