I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
