I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
