I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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