what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
