GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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