But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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