So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
