okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
zippers are such a cool invention
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
