TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
