How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
