FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
