You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
