I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
no, he came in my armpit
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
