Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
