You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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