Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Randomize
