Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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