How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
