I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
