I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
