So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i just google imaged poop.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
