You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i already hear my dad disowning me
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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