he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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