left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Randomize
