Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
