Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
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