About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
