Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
