I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
