He asked to "fluff my boner.."
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize