he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
