I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
