Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
id be glad to
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
we're so committed to being not committed
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
