I cockslap morals
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
i've created a new STD.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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