Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
