Plan B is the new Plan A
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
