The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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