So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Every concussion has its silver lining
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
