At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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