Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
