A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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