"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
