you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
The beer is more important than you right now.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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