You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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