I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
