I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
