dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
