If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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