I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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