if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
