I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
