I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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