I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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