I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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