she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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