I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Randomize
