Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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