On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
