I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
