I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
