Michael Bay diarrhea
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
