I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
