I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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