Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
