I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
