Umm I'm too high to move.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
