billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
