I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
