i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
