from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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