I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize