well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
