Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
