What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
