Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Randomize
