hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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