No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
