break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
this will be a night to untag.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
