I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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