I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I didn't notice because vodka
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
