I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
