Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
