My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
