I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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