1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
