hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize